I am old

I am old. Gone are the days of painting the town red and making a class the next morning. The days of party after party and still room to study and look amazing for the next party have disappeared. I am old.
Last night Jaxon and I went to Seattle for our lovely friend Kaite's Birthday. Between getting everything done before I got our sitter and actually getting ready to go I was tired by the time we got on the ferry. Almost 2 hours before our dinner reservation at P.F. Changs. I loved going out with my friends but I had anxiety the whole way "Do I still look like a Lesbian?" If so "Would I at least be a hot one? Am I over dressed?" I was. "Is Jaxon having fun?" He was worried he wouldn't but he did. "Are the kids okay? Or IS SAVANNAH okay?" Everything was fine and wonderful but we got home around 12:30 and you would have thought the sun was coming up already. I got home from taking Savannah home and Jax was like "How you doin?" And I don't even think I responded. I apparently bathed, brushed teeth and attempted Scripture study but I fell asleep with my face drooling on 3 Nephi! I don't even remember taking her home!! I DON'T EVEN DRINK! THIS IS ALL ABOUT BEING TIRED!
Today is the pathetic part. I am so tired I shouldn't drive or create a declarative sentence. Although I did go to the gym this morning but only cause I fear Shannon. My poor kids actually ate 3 things from a box today. IN ONE DAY! Cereal, Mac and Cheese and cheese and crackers. I don't think anyone of us ate anything that should be consumed by humans and my house looks like we've been hit by a tornado. So, by all means come on over. I am in a bathrobe. Jax and Korbin are running around in boxers eating junk and Miss. Allie is eating anything she finds in the pantry. I am old and it sucks. Come on youth I know I had fun with you but couldn't you have stayed a little longer! I'm only 26!!

The poll

My recent poll about how one might be doing if viewing themselves from High School standpoint is surprising. I cant think of anyone that I know of that reads this blog that 'Sucks and have totally let themselves go' Who are these people? How do I know you? I think its great that so many of you think you are so with-it. That's beautiful. I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I never expected the life I now lead so in a sense I would be very pleased but shocked to see where I am today if I saw myself 10 years ago. I always thought I would have money. Lots of it. I never saw myself actually getting sealed 5-6 years AFTER I got married. I never saw kids. I never saw a jiggly body but I did see myself happy and probably married (and 10 years ago I was dating Jax so I thought I'd marry him as well but that somehow he'd be wealthy- I obviously did not do the math) and he would be a return missionary.
But, NOTHING happened like I planned and at the end of the day Ill take my chubby legs because I do still have two of them and Ill take my stinky kids because I love them to pieces and Ill take my poor husband who is the love of my life and Ill tell my 16 year old self to go to *$#!. Because today Ive turned out pretty alright.

Some of my favorite things!

I thought it would be nice to show a few things that I love in our house. There were a lot but I narrowed it down to my VERY FAVORITES! These would be thing things I would miss the most if I lost them in a fire or something. But I did throw a few of the kids in here, I would most certainly get them out first in a fire though!!

THE BOYS!!

Last Saturday I was attempting to achieve World's Greatest Mom and in doing so I took Korbin and his two friends Tyler and Derek Potter to Castle Park, Cold Stone and the car wash (of which Korbin was the ONLY excited one) then we got home and pulled out bikes to go to our park. I was fun and active and had a great time. The only down-fall was when we pulled up to the park and Korbin and Tyler say 'You look like a dad' And I reply 'No I don't I have make-up on' and Tyler smoothly snickers 'Yeah... a dad with make-up on hehehe.' Good thing I really like this kid! So, off we went in a fury (because that's how small men move when excited) and we swung and slid and played hide and seek and got full to the brim with bizarre combinations of sugar and the ice cream shop. I was wiped out but it was a great day. I even have the pictures to show off!!!

Pink has nothing on me- KISS IT ROCK STAR!!!

So the Lesbian hair is KILLING me!!! Yet, I like how quick it is that I might just switch to the other side or become a rock star. I love you JACKIE! Jackie sent me a picture of Pink (whom I love anyway) and said that this look would be great. Not to church but out on the town. Here it is! Jax and I went to the movies and I tried it out. I kinda feel liberated or something! I am totally out of my comfort zone which I feel is odd because I never really had a comfort zone. I guess I do, I told her that I'm much more of a Chanel and diamonds kinda lady. But tonight Pink has a little competition because IM ROCKIN THIS TOWN!! WATCH OUT BABE!

A beautiful stinky, spitty and dirty day!

Last Monday we took our family to the 'Olympic Game Farm'. It was dirty and fun. We had a great time and loved the clear sunny drive. Well I did-the rest of them fell asleep BOTH ways!!! Which was great on the way home cause I got lost and drove half way around a National Forest!! The day was filled with tons of animal spit in and out of the car which Korbin thought was delightful but because he was in the backseat I didn't get ANY pictures of him!! Good thing we are have good memories in the genes! Here are a few pictures:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAXON!

Happy Birthday Jaxon

Today is my Jaxon's 26th Birthday! Yea! He is finally as old as me! This is the man who has changed my life in every way. Because he has shown how strong he is, how far a person can come and BECOME.
He is Beautiful
kind
loving
hardworking
dedicated
brilliant
tender
gentle
funny
rowdy
spiritual
a good cook
great a fixing stuff/cars
I could go on and on... but
one of the best things is that he is a FANTASTIC dad.
I love him and that's good enough for me.
Happy Birthday Baby!!

a cup half full

I have been strikingly negative about life in recent months and I have had reason as well but the other day my mother (Of course- who else!) was quite irritated about my endless groaning. And she let me know it. Fine I knew it, but my negativity is legit so I can whine as much as I want right? I AM freaking out about the Navy I DO hate outside when its all icky an on and on and on and on.
She said I wasn't spending as much time on my knees as I should. I assured her that the Lord must be weary from our family's endless 'please help us' prayers, that I do pray often and sincerely and THEN She said as if it were nothing. 'Perhaps you aren't asking for the right thing' I was immediately defensive and wondered what sort of vain thing it is to ask for a job and a good marriage and food on our table. I will have no answers from the Navy for at least another month. A marriage takes a lifetime. Even IF the Lord gives me everything I need that works out perfectly for us it still wont help me right this very minute.
I NEEDED TO PRAY for comfort, peace of mind, faith in trials and a positive attitude. I was praying for all the biggies and that was great but Ive been so unhappy and I haven't even thought to pray about that. My mom has always been big on involving God into the most minute detail of life. If we needed a arm she would just tell us to pray for one and we'de surely get it if we had enough faith. If you didnt get one you should have been more Christlike. Every topic in almost every conversation revolves around this blessing or that or this miracle or something that the Lord did to make the day a little better. My cup is not half full.
It is overflowing and I thought I always saw it but now my prayers have now been a bit more about HOW we should do what we can do and leaving the rest to the Lord. I cannot change the weather- you'd know I would if I could too. But, I can throw on a slicker and jump in some puddles- and hey it only takes me 10 minutes to get ready these days!

Beauty is all that matters?

Today being extremely self conscious about the new doo I had much to do so I threw on some red lipstick hoping no one would notice my hair and went on my way. It sucked and YES everyone was very kind and lied through their teeth and said how they kinda liked it and I just look edgy and different but not like a crazy person or a prostitute. There are some noted differences such as my head is shockingly cold when I'm outside and when people glance at me the double take is no longer 'She might be hot' Its now like 'Is that a chick or a dude?'
I went to Shama's and I have to say they are the most complementary people on the planet. Her mother gushed about how striking my features were and how now they are just 'showcased' and how much thinner my face looks etc.... CAN I MOVE IN PLEASE?
It got me thinking about how much focus we (or I) put on looks. I know when push comes to shove I'm not ugly. Quite pleasant actually. I look friendly and approachable and sometimes pretty. Yet, I have it somewhere inside of my head (don't worry I am in therapy) that Perfection IS attainable. With everything. The size of my thighs to my soul. Its doable. Just look at Charlize Theron and President Monson. See! Now all I have to do is create myself to become the middle of them and Ive got it made-right?
I know I'm a little vain and I'm totally okay with that because I know Ill never let myself go. But, is vanity something I want Miss. Allie to have? Is one kind of beauty something I want Korbin to think is all there is that's beautiful? Of course not. I would adore Miss. Allie even if she looked like the Hunchback of Notre Damne. I heard a quote that I really like 'True Beauty is giving even when giving become uncomfortable.' Pretty is as Pretty does.
When I am very old you might remember that I was good looking but you will mostly remember how I behaved. What I did that mattered. How I raised my children and spoke to my husband. I have known so many people who might not have ever been on the cover of Vogue but have become breathtakingly gorgeous in my eyes. I still do not like my hair and I wont like it till it looks like 'me' again but its still the same old me in there. I am opinionated and demanding and I like things my way but I'm great too. I love my kids to death and I keep a tidy house and I'd like to think I'm a good Friend and I have a strong testimony. So, please look at Me next time you see me and not my HAIR!

ugly ugly ugly ugly

So--- for a good while Ive been wanting to go back to my natural state and be blond again but that's about $400.00 because I was so dark. I am much to poor-sensible-cheap whatever you want to call it to put that kind of money on HAIR. I decided to cut it ALL off and start fresh.
Oh wait? Whats that? Houston we have a problem! There is no longer those golden rays of blond anywhere. Besides the excruciating pain of pregnancy and childbirth I apparently have given my children much more than the gift of life. With each kid my hair grew darker and darker. Now it resembles poop. Great. Now I'm borderline bald and I have crap brown hair. But wait-It gets better.
I self talk and decide to 'brighten up' and grab a little color from the store to 'brighten up'. Orangeish yellow is not 'brightened up' its freaking crazy cheap high school student that has sucky parents who let her do this kind of stuff. My head is very tender so there will be no more attempts to fix this disaster for at least a few weeks. Thank goodness my lovely friend Jackie helped me or who knows how really awful it could be. At least she knew how to put the color on!
I went to the doctor with my sick Allie this morning and the nurse guys was like "Wow, its like a whole new you". and then he briskly walked away with a look on his face like I should be there for the 5th floor instead (5th floor is the mental health ward) but even that was not as bad as yesterday when I came home and my own precious son SCREAMED in SOBS 'I don't even know who you are'! And, would not speak to me for the remainder of the evening. He wouldn't look at me all through dinner and only said through tears he never thought his mom could be so ugly. Thanks allot kid! If you see me please don't lie- I know I look like a Atlanta 2$ hooker from the eighties. If you could please say 'What a nice outfit' or 'Your smile looks really nice today' that would be great because I know that if you tell me you like my hair I will know you have horrid taste and I wont want to be friends with you anymore anyways. I'm gonna go give Donald Trump a buzz so we can chat about who he goes to to get his hair done cause we looks way better than I do!!!

THE BEST CHILD EVER! for today anyways

It seems that every other day I am grumpy. I don't like the weather. I don't like the Navy stringing our family along. I don't like Jaxon's 'Black Dog' days (when he's depressed and I'm picking up all the slack) I don't like that I'm still a little fat and that Miss. Allie isn't potty trained. I could just go on and on. And, I know very well I have a great life and great kids and I need to shut up and smell the pine trees. Which makes me more grumpy knowing that I should be more chipper and I am not. So, today was another one of those days. I drug myself out of bed and started the day. Dreading the morning which I have to tell Korbin a million times to put his underwear on and get dressed. To eat. Not turn on the TV. Please do this or that.
Then- he awoke! Even though there is no sunshine in this POS place we live he brought sunshine into my soul. All day was MAGNIFICENT! I never ever asked more than once. Miss. Nancy said he was a angel and was the first to answer all the questions right (genius he is) and when he came home and had dinner he ate all his shrimp and brown rice without talking with his mouth full and without taking an hour to finish. Miss. Allie was a different story-but that can wait. Korbin said I love you several times without me saying it first. I like this kid. I know that sounds funny. But, there is a difference between loving your children and liking them. I grew up loved but not particularly liked and I really truly like my kids. I know Ill like Miss. Allie more as she stops projectile vomiting on my outfit! But, I like to hang out with him and I like to hear what he has to say. Jaxon says he talks incessantly but I find him fascinating. I'm just very happy I got a Korbin Bryce and an Alezxondra Renee because I couldn't do this any other way.

I love you too!

I just wanted to say that we are very blessed to have great friends and we know it. We don't go even a day with out a phone call from someone who loves us. I am so grateful to know that I have friends when I'm happy fun Brittney and when I'm devastated hopeless Brittney. I know that in these past few months especially I have been both quite frequently. I didn't grow up in a 'let yourself in' kinda house and although I grew up just fine I always wanted that for my kids. I love that the Potter boys run right in and all of Korbin's friends know where we keep the string cheese. I love that I am welcome to walk right in to Shama's or Shannon's (usually I DO call first) and make myself at home. I want my kids to know that any friend is welcome for dinner-not the whole football team but any FRIEND knows that a seat at our table is theirs for just a night. I love you guys and I am happy you all are in our lives and I am in yours. Especially all my old friends I'm just catching up with from college and high school! Its nice to finally talk to you again!!!!

Quarks

Today I had the opportunity to spend some time at a baby shower and a birthday party and I started noticing the family dynamic between all my friends and their children and the sweetness they shared. I know that each one of our families are so different but we all share the same goal of raising happy, well balanced, spiritual kids. On the way home I was thinking about tradition and its not just jammies on Christmas Eve and turkey on Thanksgiving; there are things we intertwine into our daily lives that make us Nelson's or Swearingens (my maiden name) or whomever we are and become. Here are a few of the odd things that we, namely me, do that make us. us.
Jax makes homemade waffles every Sunday morning
No soda unless its at a restaurant or birthday party
Cereal Saturdays and warm (real) breakfasts every other day
Sitting prayers-Ive had many knee surgeries and so we sit. I know we should change it but that's how we do it. AT LEAST WE ARE PRAYING!!
You can blow as many bubbles as you want as long as its in Choc. milk only
We 'huggle' its an extended hug and its free and never warrants a reason
We have 'vegan day' two days a week, only non processed vegan food all day!
We read scriptures at night and we re-explain in TV format for Korbin to understand
I love you is meaningful and serious and if you say it you should mean it. The kids are not welcome to 'love' things. He is more than welcome to like them but loving a TV show is absurd.
Our bodies are one of the only things we carry with us our whole life. We are nice to it and Korbin 'hydrates' so he can keep up with himself. Its funny to hear him ask for water so he can 'hydrate'!
Most everything in life is negotiable so if the kids or one of us has decided we need to change something we as a family decide if we are convinced enough to change things. Korbin made a great case for his room now he has a tent in there 24/7 and moves his bed any which way wants it that week.
I'm a lip kisser. Kiss on the mouth. Sorry don't want to mess up my lipstick. (Jax is not-don't worry)
T.V. is not a friend it is something to kill time and isn't a babysitter.
Sitting down and being lazy is sinful. (my OCD kicking in) There is a difference between alone time and laziness. Read, color, play a game, write in a journal etc. but sitting and watching me work just puts me in a bad mood.
Alone (down) time is necessary for everyone. Its helps you- like you -when you are the only one to impress. Alone time is manditory and we have a little everyday. Even Allie.

A Clear day saved me!

For those of us living in wet, drizzly, icky Washington go look outside!! ITS CLEAR! I'm going to make this a kick butt day! We ARE going to have a GOOD DAY! Whether my kids like it or not. I NEED you dear old sun! Please stay for a while. I'm about to dance around in my front yard and do a sun dance to keep him from allowing himself to be hidden my these dang clouds. Last year it snowed in April I dont think I can handle snow in April. If is starts snowing in April you can count on me leaving to go to Hawaii to visit Jaime, because I might hurt myself. So today I'm going to stop blogging, facebooking, and hotmailing and go outside. And I might freeze my kids but they will know that- down here we dont take this sun thing lightly! See that blue sky? That's what its supposed to look like when you look up! Yes, those white lines are airplanes dear and yes we are going to wave because I know they are just as happy to look out the plane window and see what the ground in Washington looks like. Its been a hidden secrent for a good while now!

Its it okay to feel this way?????????

Forget my on the ball statement. That has run its course. I suck today. I worked out. Ive showered. Ive gotten kids ready. Ive fed them. Ive done nothing else whatsoever. I am not ill. I am not on my period. I'm not sad. I am just yucky. I don't want to be a mother or a wife or a person. (well not a really great one anyway) I just want to sit. Not looking at the sucky day outside. Sit. Do nothing. Perhaps take a great leap and read stories to very still quiet children. So I might have to borrow yours. Mine are neither. Which I usually enjoy. And youlle have to bring them over and pick them up. So, stories are out. Does this make me the worst mother ever? The TV is not on- doesn't that count for something? I am not in the mood to read. Or drink hot coco. Or even have sex. (highly unusual) I want to not blog either. Just nothing. I'm pretty close to stealing one of Jax's happy pills but I know they make you throw up and really sick (and its illegal) so that wont happen besides they are in the bathroom and I don't want to walk that far if I don't really have too. So when you see me later at a restaurant because I do want my children to eat and I look like a bag lady and I'm snappy-you don't have to stop and say hi you may keep walking and I wont feel bad because today I don't want to say hi to you either and explain why we look the way we do. Luckily Jax took pity on Miss. Allie and did her hair, and brushed Korbin's teeth. Maybe he will convince me to put on a bra if we do end up leaving. (my coat totally hides my droopy tube sock and golf ball breasts) Thank God for this man. Maybe he will do something productive for the both of us because today isn't looking good and tomorrow isn't looking great either.

the answers part

I love that I have... my testimony
I love...my family and chocolate
I like that I am... not intimidated by anyone
I hate that I am...always feeling like I'm a crappy mother
I dislike that I am...pear shaped that my eyes are blue but not REALLY BLUE
I am...intelligent
I am not...stupid or naive
I feel...sad by our political situation and standing in the world
I do not feel...happy about changing more diapers for the next year or so...
I most dislike in other people...when they are not genuine or understanding
My least favorite word is...hate or looser
My most favorite word is...fantastic
I want to go...to heaven
I need to go...get my hair fixed
I enjoy... cuddles and loves from my family especially my Jaxon
I most like this characteristic... integrity
I dislike this characteristic... cockiness
I will never do this again...drink
I will do this again...skinny dip
I will learn... to forgive
I have learned... your faith is sometimes all you have, don't turn away from it
I wont...ever be a crappy friend again
I wont be... doing this time consuming thing again!!

Milestones and Answers

These are some of our best family memories!
Our Wedding day- The Stoic picture.
Korbin's Birth
Allie's Birth
Korbin's first day of school
Allie moving around enough to get into trouble

ON THE BALL!

Hello January first 2009. You are a dismal icky day I, however, AM NOT. I AM ON THE BALL! Every year I make resolutions and I actually keep them, in 2006 I vowed to learn how to eat with chopsticks and read at least two great books a month. I did it. Last year I vowed to keep Allie and Korbin alive and happy. They are indeed alive and maybe happy. As well as doing one major cleaning thing every week to avoid 'spring cleaning'. Did that also. This year I think my resolution is going to be to get into a swimsuit and be happy in it. Not compare myself to everyone else in a swimsuit not think I look like a Sports Illisturated model Cause I do not, but be happy with the arms and legs that God gave me and have fun with my family in whatever water activity we choose that day. Also I even have a serious one too... I never do becasue I think it takes the fun out of them and NO ONE ever keeps thier resolutions. I am going to try VERY HARD to look at people the way Heavenly Father wants me to. I cant say that Im going to look at people the way Christ would because he could walk up to the lady across the street who chain smokes through pregnancy and tell her to repent. I cant. SO, Im going to pray for her instead. I might have to pray to WANT TO pray for her among the countless others I judge daily. But, Im really trying to become someome He is proud of. I have a tile in our house that says 'BECOME A PERSON GOD CAN USE' well I dont like being used but he is the exception and I want him to use me. I want him to be able to say 'That Brittney Nelson-isnt she something? Lets give her blessings because she TRYS so hard to do what is right.' I would like that very much. My girls in Young Women are expected to be these amazing, caring, positive, vibrant, trustworthy, virtious, faithfull, smart, lovely TEENAGERS. I dont know how I would feel if they looked at me and said 'Sister Nelson is the most judgemental person how come she is teaching us how to get to heaven??' So, for them and my children and my Jaxon and my mother and for myself I am starting with a clean slate this morning. And Im just too busy taking down my own Christmas to notice all the people who are going to leave the lights on their houses till spring. I WILL NOT JUDGE. TRY NOT TO JUDGE!