Sometimes life sucks.
It just does.
I don't understand it.
No one does.
Right now, when I'm supposed to be looking forward to Eternity, My hardworking parents are loosing their house. The recession has eaten them alive.
My dear friends marriage is dissolving and her family totally forsaken by the one person who is supposed to love them the most.
I can't help but be frustrated by the lack of justice in the Universe.
Those are just two of the many, many heartbreaks all around and I sit here in my happiness and I know I've worked for it and I deserve it - but so have they. They have worked hard and done whats right. They were everything they should have been. Where is their reward? Where is the happy ending? I guess I shouldn't feel selfish that I'm happy now. Finally. But, I do.
I wish that obedience=happiness.
I wish that life were 2+2=4.
What do you do when you do everything right and it doesn't matter?
The answer is-it does matter.
You are still YOU.
Even if your whole life is destroyed and everything you had is now nonexistent. You still have your own soul. Your own respect and honor and dignity and dreams.
Most important you still have Heavenly Father.
The one person where 2+2 always =4.
There will NEVER come a day that HE will leave YOU.
That day that HE says 'Enough! It's just to hard' Will NOT come.
I have always know HIM and believed in HIM but till I have personally felt my world crushing down upon me and felt as though there is no such thing as standing up and being able to move forward with another breath; That my life has lead up to that one miserable minute and I sucked.
But, as they say 'When life gets too hard to stand-kneel.'
It's true. The day I stopped believing in HIM but the day I BELIEVED HIM.
I won't say that it happened when I wanted it to; It felt like forever. But, one day after months and lots of kneeling I felt a little better. After lots and lots of work a bit more healing came. The situation had not changed much as it often doesn't, but my soul could find little reasons within myself to find answers. Answers I might not have wanted but they were what I should do.
Isn't that what we all want?
A solution that makes everyone happy.
Absolution is rarely ours.
After I did everything I could I got the answer that saved me-
'Your family is not on the end of my to-do list. I am with you every minute of your struggle and I do not sit on the side lines. You will need this someday and so will your family and now I know where you will go. You will come to me. You are not forsaken and I love you.'
When I felt this or heard it in my heart or mind or however. My whole world changed. I still had to live in my situation but I knew that I could endure. I knew it wasn't always going to be this hard. I knew it wasn't going to be this awful forever. I knew that if I could do this with faith and work I would someday be happy again. I had experienced not a change of heart but I knew the eternal perspective, in that one still moment and I felt that this horrid time in my life was short (but important) in the eternal realm.
I knew that I was was capable of doing this.
And through our deepest sorrow can be our greatest joy, for we know both.
*I know this is UN-blog like but I think that some experiences should be shared and I felt the need to share this today. That experience happened over a year ago and I remember the very words daily. I am lucky in this moment and hopefully a few thousand more lucky ones to come. I hope that in darkness you know not to look for the light at the end of the tunnel; Because you are the light you just have to make it through the tunnel...and someone that knows the way is holding your hand.
Hold tight.
