Panites Galore

Last week I taught a lesson in Relief Society on prayer. I was like piece of cake-I pray all the time-then we started to potty train Miss. Allie. I PRAY LIKE A LUNATIC NOW!
First thing on Monday morning we took every single diaper and gave them to our friend, Kaylee (whom will also be potty trained this year=) and went back home with Fairy Princess panties on and a short dress. The NUMBER ONE thing about potty training-well there are two things,

1. YOU CAN NOT GET FRUSTRATED OR MAD AT THEM!

2. YOU HAVE TO BE CONSISTENT

and you can't leave your house for forever.

Miss. Allie was so ready she would bring me her diaper, wipes and baby powder and lay down in front of you-so she was clearly ready to get going with this.

I was prepared. I bought a ridiculous amount of pretty panties, I got the juice ready, I got the books and songs to sing and friends scheduled to come over and play.

And, then the poop came...

Let me just say-When I die and I have that list of questions for God such as

'Childbirth-REALLY?!' and 'Why do men have nipples?' another has been added to my list.

'Poop-REALLY?'

Allie runs her little legs as quick as lightening if she has to pee but somehow pooping became negotiable-I'm so confused!

I have literally had to baby wipe up the way we ran through a department store to be too late to the potty. That was super fun. As some nice lady is trying to decide if the outfit she tried on looks nice she decides not to buy the dress because she is only smelling ALLIES POO!

Yep, that's hot!

Anyway, it has been eventful and long and I will be steam cleaning carpets this week.

But she is officially POTTY TRAINED.

And, I learned that when you earnestly pray about poop-Heavenly Father hears you (of course)

but he's laughing his head off at your expense...

**She only wants to wear Elmo panties or her brothers boxer briefs that are 6 sizes to big and fall off her butt all day. Classy chick!

I just think it's lovely...

I'm not in the market for a wedding cake but I'm always on wedding blogs anyway looking for such and such for the Sealing. I came across this and its so NOT my usual taste, but I LOVE it. It's so vintage and unique looking I love the topper too! Isn't that the greatest? I don't love the Temple Toppers because I feel like they don't convey the personality of the couple. I think the after-party should be just that! I don't love the shabby chic accesories on the other page but that picture tagged along. If I were to go back and actually get a wedding cake I would find a way to pay for this 3K beauty!

This cake is just lovely...

Lucky...

Last night a very scary thing happened to our Miss. Allie. As we were brushing teeth with the kids Jaxon turned from the counter where Allie was sitting to grab her PJs from me. All the sudden we hear a loud crash and Korbin yell 'It wasn't me' or something to that effect, and the next thing I hear is Jaxon in his 'emergency voice' say Holy Crap and I go into the bathroom to see Jaxon swooping up Allie and blood from the floor, up the cabinets to the sink where he has her trying to quit choking on her own blood. She had fallen face first on her toothbrush and gouged the back-side of her mouth. Jaxon always says I overreact (never) but in his deep 'emergency voice' he tells me to get ready to go the ER. NOW.

For the first (and only) time in Korbin's life he did exactly what he was told. Get your clothes on, get in the car, put on your seat belt and be quiet. He did just that. In about a total of one minute we were out the door. Allie has soaked through her shirt, the hand towel and Jaxons workout clothes. I take her out to the car in nothing but a diaper and her Jammie pants and we buckle her in while Jaxon turns around in the front seat trying to soak up the rest of the blood. At this point we have the blood pretty much under control but her cheek has swollen up to the size of a small apple (thats really big considering she's only 30 lbs.)

My wonderful girlfriend Amy calls the hospital for us to tell them we are coming. I throw on the emergency's and tear out of our neighborhood. *Note-To anyone who lives in GA. If you are dying you had better pray because NOT one single person moved when I rode them with my emergency's on. I layed on my horn and after about two times they finally looked in the mirror and moved-but not without flipping me off first. Nice huh?

We get in the ER and even though we only waited for 4-5 minutes it felt like an eternity with a bloody baby in my arms. It was such a relief to have Jaxon there (he's never been to one of our kids ER visits before due to the Navy) and he is so comforting to her. She trusts her daddy 100%.

When she was seen by the Doctor the blood had mostly stopped but she kept trying to swallow real hard and we though she was just swallowing her blood. She was a 'hair' away from the big artery in the back of your throat (honest-I didn't know there was one back there) and he said she was so lucky because if she had hit it she could have bled out by now. Those words while your holding your alive child makes so grateful for the minor injury that your there for.

He said it was more risk to put her under and stitch the inside of her mouth up than to live in hell for a week with her eating soft foods (like baby food) and not going anywhere that she may bump her large swollen cheek. When every thing was said and done she left with a Popsicle and a bunch of Motrin.

We now have a lifetime supply of Popsicles in our freezer. Of which, she hasn't touched till 30 minutes ago.

Last night she was up at three and screaming mostly all day but the swelling has gone down and she's finally drank some juice. Her cheek was so swollen she couldn't form a shape with her lips and it would just pour down the front of her thus making her wig out more. Today was so long and I'm exhausted but it is so much better than something else I would be doing today if she hadn't been so lucky...

A fun-Living wife

Last week a girlfriend lent me her book 'Strangling your Husband is NOT an option' By Merilee Boyack and I was sorta like 'Gee did I say something that makes you think I need this? Did I talk you you while I was ticked at Jax? Do you think I'm a crappy wife?' After I realized I was PMS-ing I see that she read it and just wanted to pass it on. I hope...
I did start to read it in my need to always do something and laughed the whole time!! It was a great book and I'm just happy to have read it with an Church Active lovey! Because, for once in my life I am not urging Jaxon to do his Home Teaching (if you knew him before this is a miracle!) He is full circle from the way things were a few years ago and I loved the pants off him then (Yes, pun intended! Who's blog do you think this is?! =) and now I was happy to read this and actually check off a good number of things and It was nice to feel like my hard work in this marriage paid off!! And, can keep paying off FOREVER!!!
On to the good stuff-There is a chapter on being a 'fun-living wife' and I am ALWAYS trying to liven things up. Seriously, changing diapers totally cramps the sporadic energetic person that I once was! I took the 'Are you a boring wife' test and I only do ONE of the things-I wear my stinky gym clothes some days-all day. I know that's gross but I'm weeding (don't pass out, I have to weed-Jax is too cheap to hire it out) and playing tag or being Obi-One-Kan obi or whatever. But, I so want to be the fun-living wife, mom, and friend. I don't want to be 'Oh, gotta go see what the ball and chain is up too, probaly nothing; She's just there.'
ME!? NEVER!!
And, after being poverty stricken in the Navy for a few years I've learned that a good time can cost NOTHING!! You can be a good time just by being a fun person!! I WILL be a FUN LIVING WIFE and if we are going to have to pull weeds we will do it with music and watermelon and swimsuits and a bubble machine and we will have a backyard picnic as soon as we are done-baby, your never gonna want to pull weeds with anybody else....

The Passy Fairy came!!! (pics are funny so look from bottom to top)

Miss. Allie very happy about her promotion to 'Big Girl' status.

Trying on her wings and clearly comfortable with her personal fairy....

Passy Fairy (notice the little yellow bucket-it has passys in it from the last house she was visiting) coming to a now 'Big Girls' house.

Miss. Allie meeting her Passy Fairy. Note-Allie has her passy in her mouth. She was using up every last moment...

I had wanted to get rid of the passy but I wanted to do it where I wasn't the bad guy (I'm ALWAYS the bad guy for some reason) and I had a few ideas come from friends and this was the best! I called a few local ballet studios and asked if there was any girl (Jaxon said it would have been way better with a bodybuilder in a tutu-he's retarded) that wouldn't mind making $20 to dress up and take my kids passys to 'other little babies that needed them'

It would be the easiest 15 minutes of her working life.

I got a call a few days later-probably after they Googled me to see if I was a pedophile-from this girls mom saying she was interested. We met her a few weeks later at a big dance showcase-where Miss. Allie was enamored by dance (I was thrilled) and kept still the longest she had in her whole life. We told introduced them and we found Kaitlyn (aka. Passy Fairy extraordinaire) to be the sweetest thing and one heck of a dancer!

Last night Kaitlyn went above and beyond for her first 'Passy Fairy' gig.

I had asked her to wear any sort of super girly costume and she showed up in a Tinker Bell approved costume complete with huge wings! She was so sweet and even brought a little bucket with other passys in it (that she had just collected from other 'Big Girls') and big girl things like stickers, bubbles, a princess bowl and cup (we already had the matching plate) and the best-a magical set of identical wings.

Miss. Allie was elated, a little hacked at the putting the passys in the bucket but she really liked the bubbles and the wings. I had told Kaitlyn I would have fairy dust and a big girl toy ready for her but they were not needed-hers were way better!

Our good friends, Amy and Kaylee Hunter were there for moral support and I think they will be calling this Passy Fairy soon! And, I shall be running some more $$ to her for all the extras she threw in! She did much more than my little $20 could have thought!

We waved goodbye to her and wished her luck in her next fairy adventures.

We are now two nights down and doing pretty great!!

When she asks for her passy we ask her where it went and she says 'Passy Fairy took to the babies' and she feels better.

Yea, for the Passy Fairy!!!

Gotta wash the Redneck off us...

Albino Racoon (occasional sleeping partner for hire)

??????????

'Dorthy' our lovely tour guide who is being raised similar to 'Mogwli'

Jaxon helping Miss. Allie...

'Robin Hood' Waiting to take us to Nottingham...

Emily and one of her little lady's Eibhlin on the hay ride (there's no hay anywhere).

Miss. Allie and I on the 'boat ride' (more like a pond that you go in a circle in for about 10 minutes) Note-the pollen on the seat...


The Crazies on the boardwalk (the most well-done thing in the park and probally the newest) Don't you love Korbin's 'Egg Hat'? I wouldn't hold it for him so he made due...
Miss. Allie chucking food at the goat. Not feeding-fearing...

In keeping with my tradition of driving to far off places and finding things to do that normal families don't; we (my friend Emily and I) found this little nugget of paradise. We wanted to have a good olde southern Easter Egg Hunt (like on Steel Magnolias) and being as we are not from the area we didn't know that because of The Masters Golf Tournament (which our world during the week of April 5-10 revolves around nowadays) the entire city moves Easter to the week before. Not sure if they checked that with Christ but Tiger Woods is on board. Anyway we finally found a place with a terrific flyer that had tons of 'attractions' and things to do besides the egg hunt. I being a hater of Santa and all things that take away from Jesus real Holiday was pretty happy about that. So we pack the kids, snacks and spouse and go to our destination...

We arrive in the middle of NOWHERE to this land that is very clear they are not a Zoo but a reserve and trespassers would be punished by Smith and Wesson (that is a Gun Co.) Jax got a kick out of that till we kept driving and noticed allot of brown trailers and cages. We said 'We've drove this far and Emily is meeting us so lets make the best of whatever this is'

We get moving into the, the, the I don't know the words to use. It was like all the carneys retired and settled there to reproduce and said 'Hey, we know allot about animals lets call this a Rescue and we'll be rich and no one will care if we don't have a dental plan or schools.'

I don't have enough time or energy to re-live the day but just make sure to notice the people in the pictures and sort of structures, its pretty impressive.

We had 'Robin Hood' take us on the egg hunt but the catch was that once you found your eggs you could dump your candy in your basket but then you had to give back your eggs so they could fill them again. I'm all about reduce reuse and recycle but holy crap. Miss. Allie was very confused.

My friend Emily had her two beautiful ladies with us (really they look like magazine children) but her hubby is deployed and after all of us lugging around the kids/stroller she made the hilarious comment that she looked like our 'sister wife' and we noticed it totally did. But, in that place we totally fit in!

Our final tour guide was 10 or 11 (her family LIVED there) and had on hooker red lipstick and a Dorthy costume (along with all the other girls there?? We still are not sure why) and proceeded to take us along a wicked long walk (yes, on a dirt road) to all the animals like a tiger (best part of the day) and odd sorts of raccoons (one she claims to sleep with at night) foxes, snakes, horses, possums, birds-you get the jest. But, besides the costume this kid went BAREFOOT the whole time and spoke like she came out of Huckleberry Finn.

I am not being stuck up when I say-I have never seen anything like it and we sure as hell won't be going back. By the end of the adventurous morning we were covered by a heavy fog of pollen, dirt and crap. The kids will probably remember this very differently. Yea!

Next year I will be hosting the egg hunt and Miss. Allie will be in white gloves and Korbin will have shoes on...and they will probably hate it.

EYES

People I need help! I need any secret remedies that your Great Grandmother twice removed taught you or some crazy wifestale for the WAR ON POLLEN! We are losing it, folks! Korbin and I look like we've been socked in the eyes and yes, we are on EVERYTHING.

Allegra, Zyrtec, Clari tin, Benadryl etc...If I take anything else I'll levitate and Korbin will go into a coma from an overdose!!

We are so miserable.

The drugs (one or the combo) have taken care of the runny nose and any congestion but the EYES!!

OH MY EYES!!

Seriously, a drippy eye is the ickiest thing ever. (really, think about it-its gross)

People RUN from you.

Miss. Allie wont kiss my face cause she says I look SCARY!

(you can't imagine what this does for your love life)

This is bad.

Help.

I'll stand on my head.

Ill eat, drink, chant, whatever-to feel like I can see again!!

(Truly I have so many type mistakes because typing this burns my little puffy eye balls)