Sunday, May 10, 2009

changed my life...

Its mothers day and I can't help but think of my life 6 years ago-unwed and knocked up with Korbin (yes- I said knocked up because that's what you are when you are preggers and not married!) I had just found out that week after taking 14 pregnancy tests and going to the doctor for the 'stomach flu' that just wouldn't go away. I remember sitting on my bathroom floor in my apartment, all alone and wondering what to do next. I sat there holding my flat tummy and knowing that my life was going to change whether I wanted it to or not.
The Saturday I got my first Mothers Day card from Jaxon (whom was at boot camp) I was hooked up to IVs and was so so sick. I had to give up my promotion and I was too sick to stand up straight. I was elated to get that card-it still however wasn't real to me yet. Mothers day that year came and went with me alone in every way. I was alone in the hospital and in my soul.
A few weeks later I went into my ultrasound to find out the sex of this baby from hell. I had lost 13 lbs and was worried that this kid was going to be a bit 'slow' considering some of my past time activities I had before I knew I was pregnant. (don't worry mom I wasn't doing drugs!)So, needless to say I was more than nervous to go to this appointment. I show up and the nurse looks at me and says something like 'Pregnancy is a time for rejoicing, you just might make the world a better place'. I had not once felt that way. I knew I would love it when it came out but up till then-Korbin was baby 'it'. The ultrasound went great and then this tech with the craziest accent Ive ever heard asked if I wanted to know what sex my baby was. I told him 'it' was a boy, that I just knew and he came around the side of me and hugged my shoulders and said 'Yes, sweet momma! You are having a son and he will be glorious and you will a great mother!' In that moment I had a paradigm and my life changed once more. I knew in that second that my horrible twist of fate could be changed and I was going to do whatever it took to be the best mother the world has ever seen. I left with those black and whites on a mission. From then on the ball was rolling! By the time Korbin came (two weeks after his due date-so like him) on November 10, 2003 Jaxon and I had decided to marry and we lived Charleston South Carolina so Jax could go to Nuke school. I had devoured every baby book I could find and went to every class. Yep- I was the chick and the 'How to change your baby' class. And I needed it! But, one of the biggest changes was that I had come back to church. I knew during that ultrasound what religion I wanted to raise my son in and that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints was it. Coming back was very hard but totally worth it.
If I had not come back I would never have gotten our Miss. Allie. Almost four years later a prayer was said and the answer was her. In one moment our lives changed again-only this time we were really happy about it and a little more prepared! Which was good being as I delivered Alexzondra exactly 9 months after that prayer! If I could go back I would have done a million things differently but that doesn't mean I am filled with regret. Heavenly Father needed these two children to have me as a mother and BOTH of them came right when they needed to. I love them and I am so humbled and grateful to be their mommy. I think they might just turn out pretty great too!

1 comment:

Ann-Michelle said...

Once I was in this Institute class and the teacher was getting all emotional about Christmas, and he said "God sent a baby to change the world". I think about that all the time, That Heavenly Father sent a baby to change MY world. What you said is true, they come when you need them to change your life. My kiddos have done more for me than I could have ever done for myself. Love you! Happy mothers day :)