The only one...

Tonight was long. It was loud and messy and everything it is every night and I was exhausted. Jaxon has a new study schedule in which he leaves before we wake and comes home around eight (bedtime) Monday thru Thursday. But, then has an early day on Friday and the weekend with us. I've already done nuke school and sea tours and can totally handle it but tonight I was just so DONE with my two little crazies. There was nothing particularly bad-just allot and I feel like I don't get enough breaks.
I don't know how many countless times I have sighed under my breath 'If only I had a nanny'. I often catch myself sneaking in to the office to work on The Mommy Entourage even though the beauty of it is that I do it when they are sleeping. I get so sick of Miss. Allies countless screeching and demands (she is almost two, after all) and I just want someone more 'qualified' to do this endless non-profit job. I am usually quite happy being with my kids and I like them on top of loving them (and yes, that is different-I love well...some family members-but liking is a whole different story) but if I could get any sort of 'help' gardener/ chef/ housekeeper/ nanny I think it would be a close tie between housekeeper and nanny------till tonight.
I boycotted my dinner dishes and decided to give my tired self a girl movie. I had gotten 'The Nanny Diary's' a few days ago and wanted some brain rest (that's what we call crap TV cause you don't have to use your brain-just watch it mindlessly) I actually really liked it and a part of it really got to me.
When my kid is sick-I'm the one sitting on the bathroom floor holding them all night so they don't touch the cold tile. When they are hurt-I am administering first aid and 'Mommy's magic kisses' and when they want just about anything it is always "MMMMMOOOMMMM"
Now, I understand that most every person that reads this blog is a regular person and has no nanny's and I sound foolish; but tonight made me grateful for all the times I actually schedule in a play time with my kids. To really play. Being with Miss. Allie all day and being WITH her is quite another story. She loves to play under her crib, but not alone, only when someone is with her and we can giggle together. So, as I pick up my skirt tomorrow and crawl my big black chick butt under there I will be glad that I'm not paying someone else to 'imagine' with my daughter. I have never heard the words 'No I want her to fix my owie' or 'I want her to put me to bed' because they know of no other than me and their daddy. 24/7 364 Korbin asked just the other day what exactly day care was and if he could hang out there or not because half his friends from kindergarten go there AFTER school. (holy freakin-long day for those poor kids) I was giddy that he didn't know what it even was.
When I worked and Jaxon wasn't home I always made sure I had an agreement (meaning pay) with another mother whom I was friends with and our kids got along with and it seemed to them just like an extended play date at a really fun kids house. I just really did not want them somewhere where I wouldn't KNOW for a fact that they were happy. Korbin asked once if I could go back to work again so he could hang out with his buddy more, but that was it.
And when I'm old and decrepit I will know that I'm not looking back with a 'kinder' sort of memories that keeps only the good ones I will be filled up with all the messes, bugers, puke, poo, laughter, fighting, sweat, and lovable wit (that came from Jaxon and I have no part in that at all) and I will remember every story they tell because I WAS ALWAYS THERE...