Write it gently...

When I write the story of my family I think it sometimes might be rated R. Sometimes I look like a saint and others the devils advocate. But I think that when I am old enough to sit down and let the pen run, my memory will be kind...
I hope that it is that way. I hope that when I write about our time in the Navy-something I never wanted to be a part of. The trials of our marriage and for that matter children. The time we spent months and months without a paycheck (that would be now) making it work. I will remember the kids and I making peanut butter sandwiches for a picnic and not the 110 degree heat and Miss. Allie pooping out of her swim diaper and other parents dive bombing in to get their kids out because I have the icky little girl. I will remember that we got lost so many times but found the coolest places to eat and museum's to tour and we learned that most any kid at most any park is an instant friend. I will hopefully look back on Washington as a huge growing experience and a test of faith in every way. I will respect the military and I will teach my children how to be grateful and humble for their freedom.
Only three years ago we moved from Charleston; now one of my most favorite places in the world. Yet, if you had asked me 6 months after we moved there while Jaxon was studying like crazy for Nuke school and I has a newborn and almost no friends (and I was fatter) I would have told you I was in hell. I would have told you I hated the giant bugs and being alone so much and I hated that we had no furniture (if you knew us then you are laughing, because you know all we had besides dishes is a futon from someone in the ward and a crib.) I found happiness in my beautiful healthy child and I made friends-some of you are my dearest to this day. (hello Jaime and January) I learned how to bargain shop- well, on sale. I learned how to be a self starter and teach Korbin to have fun no matter where he was. I now love that place and hold all those 'growing up' experiences very close to my heart. Washington will be like that eventually.
When my children are grown I will remember how I could feel their hot breath against my neck in the mornings (after they scare the wits out of my sneaking in my bed) I will remember how they laughed so hard today when I slipped in front of our new house when I was letting in the fridge delivery men and the two guys acted like I was in cardiac arrest while my children knew just by the look on my face I was fine and they got a ball out of the whole thing. I love that my Jaxon gets this look on his face when we realize that rhythmic sound of the crazies sleeping means we are sorta alone. We are still in a hotel, we still have not received a paycheck and we are broke like we were when we were first married. I'm not a huge fan of sugar coating things but I think your mind a sort of snapshot of what you want to remember. It remembers the lessons and you grow but you don't feel the hurt or stress of whatever it is making you grow. You body forgets labor pain so why shouldn't your soul be kind to its memories? When I look back on this with my wrinkles I will laugh and think 'How did we do it?" and Ill know to put it gently on paper and finish with "The four of us will do whatever it takes because we loved each other."